Feeding your baby: Some things I wish I’d known before having our first baby - a mini blog.

Feeding your baby: Some things I wish I’d known before having our first baby - a mini blog post.

These thoughts are based on my own personal experiences. Other mums will probably be able to add plenty more things to this post, dependant on feeding choices and experiences. But here are my thoughts...

There will be people around you with all kinds of different opinions about your feeding choices, and none of them matter. What matters is how YOU feel, and what you and your family feel will be best for you and your family.

Nobody prepared me for the staff on the post natal ward nagging me to hand express my tits to try get that precious liquid out for my baby. Nobody prepared me for the staff members regularly dangling tiny syringes in front of my face and urging me to get on with it. Nobody prepared me for the staff member asking if she could show me how to do it either. The possibility of saying no to that never crossed my mind, due to fear and exhaustion, but looking back, as an abuse survivor, that was too upsetting for me. It’s ok to set BOUNDARIES. Nobody prepared me for the staff pressuring me to use their NHS electronic breast pump to “get things going” when all I wanted to do was try sleep. Again, BOUNDARIES. 

Nobody prepared me for the doctor telling me I shouldn’t be breastfeeding at all because of being on medication for my mental illness. Or for the midwife calmly trying to tell him that he doesn’t know what he’s banging on about, that I’d already had discussions at length about the risks and benefits and that it had been deemed safe for me to breastfeed should I want to.

Nobody prepared me for the onslaught of contradicting advice I would get. People would tell me I need to “sleep when the baby sleeps” but nobody failed to mention that I would be expected to get the breast pump out first and try to express some milk to keep my milk supply going. Sleep could come after that. But only after having a big cry over how little milk you’ve managed to express after your tits have basically been yanked off your body. 

Nobody prepared me for the funny looks I would get from people if I ever mentioned we had decided to use formula feeds on a night. Or for how difficult I would find it to breastfeed in front of others. Or for how difficult some other people would find it if I didmanage to breastfeed in front of them. 

I delayed bringing in formula feeds because of the guilt I felt. I wasted so much time pissing about with a breast pump, only to get tiny, tiny amounts of milk, which ended up making me feel worse. It was my hope that my partner could help with night feeds by feeding my baby the expressed milk, but there never seemed to be enough. It was an endless cycle of breastfeeding and pumping and breastfeeding and pumping. People would say, “Oh you can put it in the freezer you know! Get in front with it!” And I’d be like, “Are you shitting me? I can barely express any milk as it is. You’re saying that others can express enough to fill a fucking freezer?” And so then I’d just cry some more. 

Then I would be told that I need to still pump some milk at night while my partner fed the baby with the earlier expressed milk, to keep my supply going and to stop my tits from exploding. But they never did explode. Apart from one time at a wedding, but that’s a whole other story. But basically, my attempts to catch up with sleep were pointless due to being told I’d have to get up anyway and express some milk at some point during the night. 

What I did learn is that my body started to make enough milk, without me having to pump during the night as advised. My baby never went without. And that includes the time after I finally decided to “give in” and let my partner feed our baby formula milk on a night. My tits still did their thing during the day. And continued to do so, even when I became poorly with post partum psychosis. It all worked out OK in the end.

Important take home points related to your feeding choices:

• You decide what’s best for you and your family
• You’re not a failure if you bring in formula feeds on a night or if indeed you scrap breastfeeding altogether, or decide to not breastfeed at all and use formula from the start. That’s OK too.
• It’s OK if you don’t relish the idea of pumping milk everyday and if you do decide to do that, it’s nothing to feel guilt about if you can’t seem to express enough milk to bother using the freezer for storage.
• Lots of people around you will have their OPINIONS, including professionals, family members and friends. They might contradict each other, or they might all be screaming the same thing at you, but my advice is to trust your own instincts and do whatever you think is best for you and your baby/family.
• Breastfeeding is hard work. But for some people, it can be so much harder. I had it easy compared to other mummy friends. There can be lots of problems, including problems with your baby latching, and a whole host of other things. It’s not your fault if things don’t quite go to plan. Don’t forget that. And don’t beat yourself up over it.
• Don’t forget to buy a sleep bra! As a first time mummy, it never even occurred to me that I would need one. I remember naively sticking breast pads to my pyjama top (please don’t judge me!) thinking that would suffice. Only to wake up drowning in milk shortly after. Cue an impromptu trip to Mothercare for my partner to buy me some sleep bras. In the end, I wore them during the day too. Far far comfier than normal bras. As long as you don’t forget to slot in a couple of breast pads before you leave the house. Otherwise you’re in for some fun.
• If like me, you do decide to try expressing some milk, don’t buy a manual breast pump like I did. You sure as Hell don’t have time for that shit. Get an electric one. Cue yet another impromptu trip to Mothercare for my partner to buy me an electric pump.
• If you decide to formula feed, then the tommee tippee perfect prep machines are a life saver! 
• If you are having problems with your milk supply, it can be so much more stressful to piss about using a pump to try and keep it going. I sacrificed sleep for that shit, and soon realised that actually managing to get some sleep was also a good way to help with my milk supply.
• Did I mention sleep?
• SLEEEEEEP.

Final point: this is YOUR baby, not the health care professionals, random family members or friends. But yours.

These are just some of the things I wish I’d known, related to feeding my baby. And I will most definitely be bearing them all in mind now, as I await the arrival of another little bundle of joy.